2 . 13 . 2
here is another that i have read over again.
also persistently pertinent!
——
you know what’s totally fucking unfair?
the fact that being an intelligent and “deep” queer guy gets you absolutely nowhere. it seems like if i were to abandon all my morals and run around and fuck whoever is around and basically use my body and sex appeal to validate myself, i would never be as lonely as i’ve felt lately. the lonely feeling doesn’t get me down, but it’s always there, lurking.
unfortunately, i’m not that type. i would much rather be engaged in a battle of wits or a provocative conversation. teach me something. learn something from me. stimulate my fucking mind or i don’t want to have sex with you. it seems like such a simple concept, but it breeds complicated relationships. or even worse, totally worthless ones. i always end up being the bad guy because i grow bored with stupid people and don’t particularly care for gay culture as a whole. don’t get me twisted, i am proud to be gay and relish in gay victories. but i hate lady gaga. i don’t like to shop for hours. i’m not overtly feminine (or masculine, for that matter). i am not vain, though i do pretend a lot. the best way to describe my opinion of myself would be “proud of what i’ve become,” if i had to decide. i accept myself just the way i am. i’m not confident because i’m sexy. i’m sexy because i’m confident.
the real point here is that being all these things and being on a rather different track than the “typical gay experience,” i get overlooked sometimes, and people are intimidated by me. i think that’s silly, but i suppose i can understand it. in fairness, i could probably resort to typical gay behavior to get laid or whatever, but that’s such a hollow victory for me. anyone can take someone home from the bar…it takes a master of patience and honor to wait for someone worthwhile.
i would venture to say that this condition extends beyond the lgbt community. i consider myself a rather intelligent person, and am often disappointed in the blatant stupidity of humanity as a whole. some people are just so content to be stupid and fall in line with the status quo. it repulses me on some level. when people just don’t even fucking try. when people just accept ignorance…accept an average result. it’s pitiful.
i know i must not be alone in my predicament, but that leaves a question burning: where are the others?
