na'a mna werba

2 . 8 . 2

i haven’t really looked at this since i wrote it and posted it in February.

it snuck into my mind the other day, and i had to re-share it. it is so relevant, still! continually relevant.

i’m getting pretty good at being lonely in a crowded place, anymore.

—-

have you ever woken up in a dream and were still dreaming?

i have been on that train for days and days. am i awake right now?

i wonder a lot of the time about my dreams. are they important? do they have any meaning or significance? or are they just some fantasy wonderland that my mind created? you know, you cannot invent faces. all the faces you see in your dreams are faces you’ve seen in real life. it kindof bothers me that i don’t recognize all those people. i do recognize some people, but they seldom act like they do in wakefulness.

it’s also interesting to me that i usually don’t get my way in dreams, but i usually do in wakefulness. i really want to spend time practicing lucid dreaming. then i could control my dreams and have a fulfilling sex life. that would be awesome. haha!

but in reality, i think i would dream about being intimate with another, rather than raunchy sex scenes. i miss that more than anything. looking across the room to someone and almost bursting at the seams, or laying awake in bed with them and talking for hours in that quiet, almost hoarse tone that somehow breeds trust and meditative coexistence. interlacing hands and revealing our souls and minds to each other. that feeling is so magical, but seems so foreign anymore. i wonder if i still have the capacity to feel that way. being patient is important, but it gets old after a while. where is the boy in my dreams? where is my fairytale happy ending?